love in the night of friday

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله

its friday night, the night the everybody enjoys.
i know i should be doing my thesis paper, but as the time goes by, as i prayed through the night, sometimes i wish i am much older. currently watching terrace house and ally mcbill drama. it showcase the life of an adulthood that should or preferred to be. i used to think that i am happy, and nothing is going to stop me but deep down every human is lonely. on the religious explanation thats why we have God, we believe in God. the loneliness can only be cure with pure devotion towards the person/ medium you love the most. Allah is there for you all the time.  and He created partners and friends around you to lightens up your day. Love hurts but deep down its human nature to love somebody to take care of somebody. I am starting to understand the meaning of two. I always wanted we, but not us. i always think of everybody but not the two of us. I ought to put our ego aside and just stay true to ourselves. nothing helps better than to be honest to oneself. as for me, i relate can totally relate ally mcbill to myself. a person who loves to pursue her dreams and turns corky and goofy when it comes to love. i tend to hide the feeling of the warmth because i know things will never work. as far as i am concern, the love i am getting so far comes from one sided only. i just don't react or give back the answer. I just wish i was not the by stander. i wish i was the main character. it was always i am acting as the connecting bridge. why won't they fall for me. why do i care that much ? because i am still scared of heartbroken and the bumpy incidents thats going to happen in a relationship. at the same time, i am eager to be in the adult hood life of a career woman. yesterday, i had this concern, worry and doubtfulness of my future job.

are things going to be alright ?
did i choose the right decision to work here ? or
did i even choose the right job ?
will it be too tough?

those are the questions that keep circling in my mind. i just need that push and positive expectation that i am going to be alright. i am going to slay the job. that i am going to make history.

i am not afraid to tell my bad side of life because i know humans are not great. we are weak and we tend to seek for comfort. to do something is to achieve the success line and not taking returns as a favor. meeting new people, loving into a new environment, coping up with the new challenges will make us a better adult. go fast forward instead of going reminiscing the past. wait for the best catch to come. don't hustle or compare your life with others. Allah is fair to give what we need in life.

and my comfort is actually traveling and thinking that i am going to achieve more.

trying to not compare my life with others.
trying not to wish i was better.
trying not to regret what i should have not do.

and trying to feel excited with what the future holds.

i am done being a student.
its the point where i am eager to face the reality world.
i know it hurts but you have the people around that you can share with.

i should write more. it feels better. its healing.

 a photo of me and my then-now became friend in fez, morocco 2014
note to self : thesis at alarming state; friday


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