Friday, December 9, 2016


بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله

being betrayed by human is such a painful feeling.
you tend to hurt yourself from within.
you tend to question yourself ,

if i have been this honest, why aren't others being the same ?

but life doesn't work that way.
you won't get the same red juicy apple even though u gave it to the person you trust the most.

humans are humans.
humans are disappointment . humans are selfish.
but Allah isn't . 

love in the night of friday

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله

its friday night, the night the everybody enjoys.
i know i should be doing my thesis paper, but as the time goes by, as i prayed through the night, sometimes i wish i am much older. currently watching terrace house and ally mcbill drama. it showcase the life of an adulthood that should or preferred to be. i used to think that i am happy, and nothing is going to stop me but deep down every human is lonely. on the religious explanation thats why we have God, we believe in God. the loneliness can only be cure with pure devotion towards the person/ medium you love the most. Allah is there for you all the time.  and He created partners and friends around you to lightens up your day. Love hurts but deep down its human nature to love somebody to take care of somebody. I am starting to understand the meaning of two. I always wanted we, but not us. i always think of everybody but not the two of us. I ought to put our ego aside and just stay true to ourselves. nothing helps better than to be honest to oneself. as for me, i relate can totally relate ally mcbill to myself. a person who loves to pursue her dreams and turns corky and goofy when it comes to love. i tend to hide the feeling of the warmth because i know things will never work. as far as i am concern, the love i am getting so far comes from one sided only. i just don't react or give back the answer. I just wish i was not the by stander. i wish i was the main character. it was always i am acting as the connecting bridge. why won't they fall for me. why do i care that much ? because i am still scared of heartbroken and the bumpy incidents thats going to happen in a relationship. at the same time, i am eager to be in the adult hood life of a career woman. yesterday, i had this concern, worry and doubtfulness of my future job.

are things going to be alright ?
did i choose the right decision to work here ? or
did i even choose the right job ?
will it be too tough?

those are the questions that keep circling in my mind. i just need that push and positive expectation that i am going to be alright. i am going to slay the job. that i am going to make history.

i am not afraid to tell my bad side of life because i know humans are not great. we are weak and we tend to seek for comfort. to do something is to achieve the success line and not taking returns as a favor. meeting new people, loving into a new environment, coping up with the new challenges will make us a better adult. go fast forward instead of going reminiscing the past. wait for the best catch to come. don't hustle or compare your life with others. Allah is fair to give what we need in life.

and my comfort is actually traveling and thinking that i am going to achieve more.

trying to not compare my life with others.
trying not to wish i was better.
trying not to regret what i should have not do.

and trying to feel excited with what the future holds.

i am done being a student.
its the point where i am eager to face the reality world.
i know it hurts but you have the people around that you can share with.

i should write more. it feels better. its healing.

 a photo of me and my then-now became friend in fez, morocco 2014
note to self : thesis at alarming state; friday

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

end of november 2016

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله

i always hate this cold season.
i don't want december to come.
that time of the year where you reflect the whole year ,
and you, well at least I did start to feel the regret of not taking the chances i should have.
thus, came the mood swing

Friday, November 11, 2016

And as much as i am into politics, policies and csr ( has been following the campaign updates since last year),

unless i am an American nor living in America theres too little that i know and understand. The American knows whats best.  Propagandist and keypad warriors  makes the situation worst. 

Sama la mcm ckap byk pasal agama but then again sapalah kita klu nak compare ngn org bljar fiq, ilmu dlman dan etc.( aq tabik ! )  semakin takot aq ngn bangsa manusia. Kcian nya ngn bebudak masa depan kena hidup ngn kesan to all this. 

P/s: nk bukak taska( not a business but a platform ) educate, nurture and give confidence to the kids to brace the world i fear. 

Monday, November 7, 2016

Friday, November 4, 2016

summer 2016

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله

today marks one month i came back to Japan.
a country where it isn't ideal to live, but ideal to work and strive for success in the secular world.
i am glad i took that leap of faith to just have a very long break and never would i have thought, it was the best decision i ever did.

yes,  i do missed some of the biggest concerts of the year
yes, i was taken back by not working part time in summers
yes,  i do break some very important appointments and meet ups, but at the end of the day, its not the money we owned or the sympathy ( i am still sorry ) , but it is the positive vibe of happiness gained and sharing it with others.
we aint living in our own world. its a society world.

first, i am more than grateful to be able to had a straight discussion talk with my mother. at last it came to a point where i can break through the asian culture of doing what must be done, instead what i want and the potential I can do in my future. the call is there, the passion that is always blooming, i am now drafting my future undertakes. whatever the world awaits, i am ready !

second, I learned that all the media circling in the internet about Malaysia are just plain bullshit. Let's be realistic and try to live for a second. some might not find it a heaven on earth country, but i find it as a home. a place where i could recharge all the energy with my love ones. thats fair enough. meeting with the people who knew me from the start,my old school teachers and hanging out with my friends. managed to find some time to celebrate Malaysia independence day in August, together with the crowds in the hearts of Kuala Lumpur. There, you could see for yourself and experience the true patriotism displayed by the citizens. I do agree on capitalism and socioeconomic difference. But the antagonism rumors and propaganda in the internet are being double ( or shall i say triple ) by the keypad warriors. you will missed the good side of the country if you keep on living by the sidelines and judging.

Third, the last minute decision to go to Jordan is worth every penny and hardship.
Others might say it is not a safe country, but my positive thinking fought my way through.
the world is not safe, you can prevent from going to red zone countries, but you cant hide if its your call. with good intention , inshallah , He is there to protect you along the way. ( and He did)
Bare in mind Jordan is not at war.
Its between the prolonged war zone countries, Palestine and Syria.
since going there was fully sponsored by myself (of course!) my friends and I are in dead tight string budget. we even had to hitch hike because we were running out of cash. Yes ! Jordan one of the most expensive country i have ever been to compare to the service I get. the currency at the moment was 5.8 times Malaysia currency ( 1 American dollar is roughly 4 times of Malaysia Ringgit ) imagine that ! and the fee to enter 7 wonders of the world, Petra was 50 JD per person, whereas the locals just 2 JD. Meet so many great people along the way and surprisingly there was this Malaysian who had been traveling all his life with almost 110 countries covered. Wadi rum was just magnificent as the array display of bright stars and milky way was visible clearly at night ! it was way better than in Sahara Desert. Even crosscheck experienced fighting (verbally ) with the arab locals and getting invitation for a  sleepover with the arab family and a trip to the dead sea. real balance there.
    the fight start of when the son of the hotel owner is insisting on paying extra room for the third person whom is my friend who arrived late. As i am being myself, i am going to stand firm and not pay the unnecessary bills. here i would like to thank the culture of Japanese handling customer in the utmost polite way with a little bit of my drama skill (of course! ). it save us through the fight and it end up being a victory for us with a night free of charge.
   As for the arab family who invited us, she was very kind and so does the kids and husbands. the experienced changed my perspective towards Middle east sociology too.

 But all in all, Jordan is a beautiful place with such great amount of history that we can learn and apply in life. As i am such a big fat dramatic person, this country is in my list that i cried upon leaving. such a tremendous impact it had put on me. an experience i shall treasure and share.
the best part was of course, our main intention to volunteer and be part of the school established for the Syrian refugee kids. [ full stories in a different post ]

I have experienced the world of marriage and near death situation at the same time.
one of my closest friend in college went down the aisles with her dream guy, and my dearest grandfather's younger brother was admitted in the hospital. pray for him. syafakillah.

back to main question, why am i writing this ?
just as i am forgetting the good deeds in life that others have showered me with, i am slowing drowning in the world of workaholic and fun life again. it is a personal reminder to myself and hopefully for others as well.
then again everything are related to my personal experiences and thoughts. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

some things never changed

These close "joyah" friends of mine are one of the best gift I treasure . always cracking random jokes !

Glad that they are just as crazy as they were . 
Glad things never changed ! 
Glad we can still laugh regardless of our future upholds .

and of course, glad that subang parade never changed too lol
after all this 10 years the same shop layouts, the same ice cream shop , the same coffee shop is as it is. 

To an extend I praised alhamdulillah for this friendship . 
Will continue searching and keeping in contacts with my old friends . i hope everyone is in good health and remembered me.

had this conversation of the best place to meet everyone is at a friend's wedding. but i don't think wedding is all year , every weekend lol. time is always against me. 

so here's a review of the restaurant we went.
1) jibby&co , empire shopping gallery, subang jaya

the restaurant is situated in a very remote place. its not inside people. its near the parking lot outside the entrance.first thing you have to remember is the restaurant comes with 10% service charge + 6% government tax. ambience was good tho with 2 floors. but then again its really hot with the high ceiling and glass windows with allows the sun ray to generate like literally i was sweating.we sat downstair with our own sofa and table. and worst the menu "card" was just a plain black and white paper. a major no no for me.   we ordered 3 different main dish.
the first one was

a)soft shell crab burger RM 29
it comes with fries and a dip sauce.
the dip sauce was good , very creamy crab and sour taste . it goes well with the dry fries thats dry but with lots of seasoning.
the burger is well just fine. the crab was soft and yummy but the bun gives it a downgrade . the bun is too plain. not worth the value of my pocket money.
all in all its 3/5
b) meat "something something i don't remember" pizza RM32
this is worth it. well its big and u can actually share it with 2-3 persons. as a big eater myself, i will die eating it alone and to have ur friend to share it with you is highly recommended. the crust is think and the meat, pepperoni, chicken and bbq sauce is just well done. the taste is close to, if i am not mistaken pizza hut bbq chicken pizza. lastly theres a sprinkle of "leaf" (excuse my lack of knowledge)
overall it was good 4.5/5
c) its the meat lasagna ! rm 32
square shaped lasagna but very very thick and bath in avocado and tomato minced meat sauce. on top theres a thick bread cut in 3 as decoration perhaps ?lol the taste is really meaty and will make u bored.unless if u are a fan of red sauce then this is for you.
total score 3.5/5

as for the waters i wasn't quite tempted with the price and yea we just ordered sky juice and it was foc.

2) upstairs cafe in SS12
its right in front of the subang jaya medical center . the name says its all . small and cozy cafe with a balcony if you smoke. the service was good too except they only accept payment by cash. your order will be sent straight to ur table non the less.
ordered, peanut butter chocolate cake, chocolate brownie, creme brûlée and hot green tea latte for the drink.
and mark my word , it was all too sweet.
i am giving 2/5


Sumpah Bapak joyah Gila 
Smua ckap dah kurus tp dlm gambar Mmg sentiasa tembam.Redha. lol  
Lagi lama saya duk Malaysia lagi X sabar Nak start up business .insyallah dipermudahkan. 
Tapi saya still X tahu Nak kerja apa nnt. 
Yg penting after membanting tulang bekerja bawah org saya tekad utk jd Cikgu mahupun penceramah utk naikkan semangat anak3 bangsa kita yg berpotensi tetapi tidak berpeluang Dan keyakinan. 
Tidak teringin saya utk terus kejar Dan berada di paras tinggi yang betstatus dan berpangkat tinggi tanpa hati yg mulis.


Sunday, July 31, 2016



Monday, July 25, 2016

support non

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم الحمد لله

today is a story of a girl i met, well she was very close to me, we are a total opposite ,you can also say she is my alter ego character.LOL
she is always this bright and cheerful kid, and i never know she had this problem deep down that she kept for so long. yesterday while we were walking around and ending pokemon ( coincidently pokemon go was release yesterday in japan LOL ) we had this heart to heart talk.

she is just like me and active girl like me but her life is always being pulled by her family.
she has a really protective one. when i said protective, i really mean protective . every little things has to bee mention and has to be said
non is profitable non is

at one point i do pity her, why can her surrounding support her. why don't they just give her wings to fly and tests her courage. everything seems so  . 

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Torned and blues but rainbow is coming

Done planning can't wait for my next adventure !
Tho I know I cant have a L***** life but my happiness is else where ! :)))
hint : Travel 

Memoirist of my 2016 spring break 

Friday, April 15, 2016

Adopting a child

And today marks the day I felt about having kids. But of course adoption. I still couldn't agree on marriage, having a kid is another story . 
In my English class earlier this afternoon, one of the student wanted to become an English teacher because she wanted to be like me and Ms Yumi. 
How sweet ! I am so touched .