if and only if

ok. here i am back to square one ! the moment after spm. where do you wanna pursue?
truthfully i cant really cakap berterus terang. thats my bound.

so i am writing the pros and cons studying prep to japan . and whether i should quit or not
best part of ibt, urmmmmm free milo ? *be serious Yureika ! lol

i guess i got an additional language that is japanese. i got the best hommie ummi. the accommodation is well  accommodate. very near to the city of twin tower. there is even a bus stop right in front of the condominium. ibt is next to mid valley. shopping is at my finger tips. going to the city can be done just by public transport alone, no need to burden anyone. and yes, swimming pool, basket ball court etc is also provided. study mate? well havent trully find the right ones. the ones that will help to go trough and excell with flying colours, it may come from me myself tho. but i didnt have any driven friends. plus, kondo - sensei talk to me bout challenging myself. u know the saying, 99% effort 1% genius. well its the opposite for me. sounds like a challenge, and you know how i love challenge and dare. sometimes if i recalled back, yes i practically open the book tried to study but my mind is elsewhere or if i did study the result isnt like its suppose to be. so what went wrong ?

if i stop here. its like i have wasted 1 year of nothing. mom said its not wasting, its a process in life. sis said if you did wanna challenge yourself, if from the start you dont like it, if you do succeed, theres no meaning. you still have to stay in the world of japan related. thats true tho. but if i ask myself do i like japan? the answer will be hurmmm errrrr. does that bring to a conclusion ? no. if i heard anyone saying bout naruto, bleach, japan drama etc, i'll be like " yerk, you all still watching those? that is soo last season."but remembering my trip , my enthusiasm , my passion towards japan in my early days, how memorable. but lets ask. do i want to go back there? is it worth it ? i believe even if i challenge myself, even if i manage to enter hitotsubashi dai, yes i will be grateful, and then whats next? some says goal can be created. right now i felt as if there is a hole in me. wondering.

and if i quit, i cant decide. where which college should i go. i still want to pursue in economics tho. brother said law. whos life is this btw. haaha they are just recommending since they know what type or person i am. but nah, i am going to stick with economy/ finance. sounds promising aint ? so far kdu tops my list. they have this twinning program with university of manchester. and from what i read, manchester is top 35 in that field. comparing with japan universities only kyoto and tokyo made it trough top 100. but those 2 universities cant be enter by us jpa students. segi college, well their program didnt attract my attention tho its so near. taylor? nah too cliche. everyone went there. inti ? didnt offer what i wanted. nottingham. yes one of the top university in the uk. but in economy ? it didnt make it to top 100. so why didnt i think of doing a level ? i know the deal . its like going back to spm. horror ! the same as ibt. boring and iam going to repeat the same thing all over again. oh well. but from a level i get to enter the best universities. confuse. cant decide.

bout money. yes since to scholars arent going to help me, that leaves to Fama. what can i say, i cant decide yet. living in the uk is getting cheap now. speaking of uk, that wasnt the first country of my choice sadly. parents still wouldnt allow me to go to my preferred country. nothing can be done, oh well. if i take nottingham the fee, oh my house rent alone i find it not worth it. so plan to stay at home and drive car. now another problem arouse. i got no license and this gotta be solve quick !

sometimes i wish i can just take leave. i believe i can do it. but not now. even others believe i can. i wish i can take a break from all of this. so this week holiday is like a decision making for me , if not i have to study like hell to catch up with all my ibt mates.i want real holiday

oh Allah the all mighty , do give me the hidayah. perhaps You had answered my solat istigharah but this time i am wishing it to be more vivid. please and please

i felt eased writing this to you :D

Eadweard Muybridge bday ! check google for amazing stuff ;)


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