Monday, December 31, 2012


yes, i decided to reset my phone. it seems as if i am deleting , erasing my past. this past 6 month is the memory i wish to delete. i am a coward yes, i know. i am not that strong you know, not just that, im getting a new haircut. new resolution ( which i doubt i'll follow) but there is no harm to make one. new style for myself. new room improvement.  new year is coming so what better time to do it. this year has been rough and bumpy . seriously i wish there was a time machine to forward time. no wonder the movie 13 going 30 existed. yes , sometimes we hope we lived in a dream .

maybe i haven't mention earlier but currently i am in conflict with my parents. it may seems unreal but believed me, i do have conflicts with family. it gets worst when your siblings are also involved suddenly. because of it there is so many things i am restricted. so many things, i am not able to do. last week i stayed home all week long. kinda grounded , except i went out with family only. friends are not allowed. and that also brought me to last minute cancelation on this hiking event. how humiliating , sad , disappointed . i wanna go so badly. if not now ( while i am still young and fit ) when will it be. arrrgggh ! i just wish they would understand me. take note, please dont have kids when you are aged already. like me, my parents and i are not living in the same world. i just wish we are on the same page .

Sunday, December 30, 2012


and goodness me. my eyes dah bengkak melampau la kan.

this few days im like the driver for my parents but oh well, cant be help it. at least i enjoy driving. everyday i learn something new, tricks and tips on the road, and human behavior during driving.
and so did went to a fabric wholesale store, and it triggered me. how this lovely flowy fabric so irresistible . alas, i decided to sew. bump onto my sj mate, so she encourage me to do some simple lace and i did. and the outcome wasnt that bad for a rookie like me. well, at least sewing is better than baking or cooking imo. i dont indulge myself in excessive tasting and eating. both requires ( well what didnt ) patience.

this new year, saya dah plan cantek punya nak hiking and camping. then when midnight struck tgk fireworks . please please Ya Allah make it happen. tho i know i am currently in a conflict but this is one thing i dont wanna miss. till then. 

Friday, December 28, 2012


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Sunday, December 23, 2012


u know its holiday yet these negatives vibes are haunting me .

im tired of being nice to people. it hurts u know. i sincerely dont hope for the payback. but just dont be a slut okay.

im tired of listening to peoples propaganda. oh shut it ! u arent the only one having those . people around you do own the same thing but they just keep it low.

im tired of being the underdog. man, for how long should i wait , and wait and wait and listen to them. im tired.

im tired of today comic fiesta event. its so full of freak people. if it is in the real world only minor will mingle with them. its like they live upon games , anime, comics aka fantasy.

im tired of living .......

Saturday, December 22, 2012

end of the world

21 st Dec 2012 should be the end of the world. well it is the end of the world for me tho.
im still clueless.

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Friday, December 21, 2012


is my driving really that bad? lol. today i learnt how to used the parking ticket wohooooooo

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is my driving really that bad? lol. today i learnt how to used the parking ticket wohooooooo

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Thursday, December 20, 2012

i wanna pray too

today i encounter some what touches my heart. a boy sternly said to his mother i wanna pray too.
it was after i performed my zhuhur solat and i was busy folding the telekung when a mother with two children, boy and a girl came beside to pray.
so upon hearing what the son said, the mother tied the kain telekung to her son, but he refused it and said, im not a girl, i dont pray with telekung. seeing her brother wanted to pray, the little girl said the same thing to her mother, that she wanted to pray. as the boy was getting ready for takbirratul ikhram, the sister was beside him, disturbing his way. ' you pray with mother, there" and he prayed first, followed by the mother and then girl .

what touches my heart is, this boy so little yet isnt compulsory to pray wanted to do so. i wonder those yang dah besar gedabak tuh yang x reti nak solat solat lagi. tapi betul la, ada kemungkinan budak nih tidak semestinya berterusan baik samapai dewasa , tetapi sekurang kurangnya kecik kecik dah jinak dgn agama , moga berterusan. my prayers goes to all :D

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Heat travel

The Heat in kl can really make my head dizzy.. Serious dizzy.. Oh how you 'll understand why i like to keep the class room cold..

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Monday, December 17, 2012

Saturday, December 15, 2012

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Wednesday, December 12, 2012


when theres a group formed i like to hinder myself from entering. when theres a union ill forced myself to join. is there a different ?

yes. a group is made up of small group unofficially tied to each other without any aim. union is somewhere the opposite of it.

i prefer things to be heard , told, known to everybody. non should be descriminate. non should be left. thats why im in good terms with everyone. non i prioritise. so am i equaivalent to communist ? i ask myself.

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first day was bad already. hope for the best and always pray to Allah

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Tuesday, December 11, 2012


tomorrow is the day. again. well , again yes. my friends and family are puzzled with japanese education system. how many exam needed to go through. its been like forever we are exam mood. oh my ! but to know the seating of my place tomorrow really suck. ada ke i sorang je line kat belakang. dah la nnt ada 聴解 aka listening test, and i am so in the negative side. the probability of me hearing 100% is least among all my classmates. i did ask for teacher to change like 4-2-4-2 . rather than 3-4-3-3. and the 4th person is me. im sensing they are targetting me. but hey you are wrong, budak yang selalu tiru bukan i tau ! budak perempuan lain, yg really study sampai skip school before exam. well too mainstream la . i malas nak skip school because its soo geek-like. i prefer success to be gain with pride and dignity. kalau Allah tak nak bagi tak boleh jugak.

but obviously in the end, what it is, stays that way. this japanese mind really are straight. no alteration. stupid you know. you gotta be flexible. thats how world is. so what ever pon, im gonna face tomorrow and the following day till friday with bismillah and pray Allah is always by my side helping me. this is the last chance to cover up all the bad result. this exam is called shuuryou(修了)the ending. the final exam. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim :)) 
let us all pray for success ;) demi Allah

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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Friday, December 7, 2012

dear parents

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, and took a nap under the shadow.

He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by, the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree ever
y day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad.
“Come and play with me”, the tree asked the boy.

“I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more” the boy replied.

“I want toys. I need money to buy them.”

“Sorry, but I do not have money, but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money.”

The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited.

“Come and play with me” the tree said.

“I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?”

“Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.” So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted.

“Come and play with me!” the tree said.

“I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?” said the man.

“Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy.”

So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you”, the tree said. “No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite” the
man replied.

“No more trunk for you to climb on.” “I am too old for that now” the man said. “I really cannot give you anything, the only thing left is my dying roots,” the tree said with tears.

“I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years,” the man replied.

“Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, come sit down with me and rest.” The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.

This is a story of everyone. The tree is like our parents. When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad. When we grow up, we leave them; only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could just to make you happy.

You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents. We take them for granted; we don’t appreciate all they do for us, until it’s too late....
  quote from inspirational Islamic Quotes from Holy Quran Facebook.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


today i learnt that you can actually live in the klang valley aka kl with just an income of Rm 3k. i had so many thoughts right now.

btw just update the new htc software. wlla !

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Sunday, December 2, 2012


weyhhhh hari nih membuatkan saya tak suka lelaki ! odoyai. penat eden.
mentally and physically tired .


Saturday, December 1, 2012


jlpt is tomorrow. i know people doubt my  nihongo strength. but damn it. YOU igt i amik N2. i know my nihongo isnt good at all but. walla ! now i emo big time on you. perli i kat gym. then now jlpt. Sadis Melanda.

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penat tau.

friday oh friday. its always the most tiring day for me.

Thursday, November 29, 2012



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i found my clone.

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Sunday, November 25, 2012


heat wave.
today is definitely hot and dry. the humidity of the weather is seriously testing my patience. but thank goodness, i believe in neraka dan syurga , in the other words i believe in Allah. it can be endured.

oh my sunday . tomorrow the school starts and i dont remember any idea whats the schedule. oh my. people started to evolves fast . faster than u can imagine. your childhood friend that you thought you knew all along, might be a stranger the next you met . as people changes comes and go , you met new people along the way. these people might enlighten your day, or worsen it every second. what ever the reason they come into your life, it has to be a new discovery for you. as for me i like to take it personal. to enjoy every characteristic that persona have and cherish it. who knows perhaps that persona had a black secret, but i wouldnt care much. i know the person from who they are now, not the past. every people had the right to change and be a new person. nothing should be kept restricted. nothing should be judge. but , every actions made should be driven into the right path. if your friend is driven, drifted away, do help them. dont let them get astray. pull them back will you ?

today is ansara rugby tournament. yes, my bad for waking up late and not picking up my friends called but, it is what it is. i didnt go. the wanted to go feeling is there, tho. really wanted to meet my friends. my parents had a kenduri near that area. but still i chooses not to go. forget all scary thoughts of having million guys around you, though it is one of the main reason but, i . . . . i just couldnt finish the sentence. a spark of regret is there, i cant deny. senang kata, ada rezeki kita jumpa la ye ! rindu to catch up the latest gossips and news HAHA

two more days, brother

its saturday ! 10 muharram. alhamdulillah berjaya jugak puasa on 9th and 10th muharram. sangat la menyakitkan sebab berada di rumah. keletihan terasa melampau ! jadi,

we had a family meal dinner. all were busy with their own sector business . its like a small restaurant. haha then suddenly my brother fried nuggets. it was like hey, thats out of the menu ?! but then he said. its been so long he hadnt eat one. im like , what ? thats the food that i consume at condo usually when we are lazy. yes, i missed my brother being home. thankfully he is home now. my holidays are great just as it is. a real  holiday would be even better, because that is how we get to spend a lot more times together as a family. but his holiday is not schedule. who knows when he'll be back. obviously , we quarrel ! but good moments just tops it all. i remembered he hated me walking beside him ,because that will make me look like his girl friend. fear not, i pon xnak people look like that too. then because he went to boarding school since form 1 i didnt get to know him well. then when he graduated from school, we didnt have the chemistry to live under the same roof. seriously i remembered the moment when it was just moments away before my fist hit him. how stupid of me to even think of hitting my own relative. how short tempered i was. how emotional i was back then. but it was him who repaired the situation. to think back its, funny, really. all because of posters. oh well. enough with the flash back drama. though how ignorant, chicky , naughty he will always be my brother.... ok this makes it look like hes dead or something. no he isnt. well he will someday when its his time.  i just know im going to missed him . my holiday is ending. so is his.

it is something brave of me writing about my brother. i usually shuts the door whenever people asked about my personal life. ill go straight away swing my mood and stop the conversation. everything else ill be really open, trust me, my conversation sometimes do get out of hand. unless i feel like opening up to someone, you are considered special to know it. sounds that i opened up to everyone. no i didnt really do that. now i felt sorry to those that keeps on asking , and i keep on shutting. an apologize is offered.

secrets. some secrets are meant to be kept away from others. secrets of who we really are, where we came from, what made us change can never be known to all. only He knows it all. how humans are just as weak as anyone could imagine.and how humans mouth are like ducks resisting to quack. how hard it is resist oneself in telling others. but there are still humans out there who can be trusted, oh how i believes this deeply. humans are unpredictable no denial but all we need is just secrets to be kept with lots of trust, don't we.

p/s : currently watching roswell drama. in case you haven't heard its and old drama back in the late 90's early 2000. obviously american made. no hell way I'm watching korean or even japanese. how i enjoy the decent culture in it. xda la nak kissing sini sana, sex scene sekejap kejap. 90210, my goodness dalam 1 episod je berapa kali ada oi ! pening pale saya tengok. bukan terasa teringin, lagi nak Muntah aduyai !

Saturday, November 24, 2012

fruth and fraud

heres the real as long as you love me song
as long as you love me - Backstreet Boys

and the fraud as long as you love me
as long as you love me - Justin Bieber

Thursday, November 22, 2012

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human. money. humanity

this past few days, banyak benda berlaku. with all those Israelis invading Gaza, how i spend my holiday life, racism, human, and money.

but i feel not talking bout the gaza problem just yet. its a trend , so i dont feel like writing bout it. let others say first , let the professional had their saying, and ill watch and put out my opinion when its the right time to do so.

what caught my attention lately is obviously money. Businessmen . what are they and where are they heading to. sorry to say , but ill choose money over love. realistic talk what love can really do ? money ? everything. from now on, what im going to say might contradict but the real message is simple. also perhaps this didnt apply to all but mostly.

Alhamdullillah saya dilahirkan dari keluarga yang sederhana. yes, it will be everyones dream to be raise as a daughter/son of a mogul multi millionaire company , but the risk from duniawi to akhirawi sangat la banyak. cut it short my main point is businessmen are heartless. as i were saying, i came from a modest family, even if i watch a family with children by their side riding and old 80's car the word sympathy automatically came across my mind. how i wanted to help them . how i wanted to change peoples life, yes i should put myself first in changing my life, but it cant be help it. why cant we move forward together? why cant we be together? why cant the rich mingle with the poor? because of that reason, my life had been stirred differently. i agreed not to take peoples money unnecessarily. you know, they work they asses off just to get those money and this businessmen took their money away by putting high cost on items that isnt worth it. talk about consumers right, yes , but if everyones buying, these businessmen need not worry to pull the price down. lately prices of the items in market aren't plunging at all. its going the opposite, and thats bad. bad for the future. aint just individually but for the whole nation.

kalau mahal tapi kualiti lawa, takde sape akan bising. tapi kualiti x seberapa, harga melampau. bila saya nak beli barang pun saya terpaksa pikir 10 kali. jadi tak terkejut kalau my friend ckap i shop lama cuz i do overthink bout the consumer right and price. bukan tak mampu nak beli barang tapi tak berbaloi. satu benda saya selalu fikir is, the money flow. ke arah mana duit saya akan pergi dan kepada sape yg menerimanya. sudah tentu, di Malaysia semua orang dah tahu. duit di Malaysia circled among those cha ya nun alif. sebab tuh during Mahathir as our prime minister he had to open the scholarships to non malay dan bumiputera ( well he intended too for the sake of himself too ) . sebab the economy is being controlled by them. and one of the main reason why i discard my science love and went for economy although i know the big risk in getting a job is racism towards Malay. yes you got that right, racism towards malay in Malaysia itself. nanti saya keluarkan article based on the researched done.

so, dalam pandangan businessman la kan, diorg tak rasa bersalah or kesian ke amik duit melampau dari orang lain especially yang miskin. prinsip selagi boleh kikis duit orang tu selagi tuh amik ke ? ived watched how businessman sanggup mintak sign from his business partner in his deathbed. dah atas katil nak operate pon ada hati mintak sign. orang tuh dah la mati oi! on their point of view, kalau contract tak selesai lagi susah, why need sympathy when life is about one dead one borned. itulah duniawi !

to wrap it all up, business is scary.businessmen are heartless. to exaggerate they are similar to Zionist. yes i got many warnings from people surround me discouraging me to drop my dream in pursuing this area. its dangerous and painful. tapi sampai sekarang im in dilemma whether to let my money flow in the country or outside the country. dalam negara i hate to admit, it went to them and they just pisses me off with all the racism. kalau luar negara , diorang tolong israel pulak. adoyai ! tapi, ived made up my mind now :D

Sunday, November 18, 2012


cod. what does it really mean to a person 

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Thursday, November 15, 2012

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

done and fun

alhamdulillah. went out with the girls of ibt yesterday. at last a day spend with the ibt girls. while the girls spend our day , the guys headed off to terengganu for wan's family wedding. haahha a total opposite. how i watched humans behavior so much. how humans can do something the opposite .

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved that it will be.

Monday, November 12, 2012


eju is over. all theres left is to pray to Allah. great day. thanx alhamdulillah

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Saturday, November 10, 2012


bye people. wtf. selfish mood.on. so is everyone.

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Tuesday, November 6, 2012


focus is something hard for me. its a challenge for me to focus n concerntrate on one thing at a certain time.

what more is left in me, i am still searching. the confidence that once filled my anatomy had now flew into the thin air. only a broken and lifeless corpse remains. i need to be happy to excel, but pure gunuine happiness is like finding a pearl in the deep blue ocean.i need people. i need care.  i need attention. but if i cant even give back whats the function.  haha wth ? mumble much

yes thanx. this week i learnt whats bonifire day, double seven, and racism in  employing sector . its a shocking based on the research that even in Malaysia itself, malay is being discriminate. goodness, what more gonna happen to this country. let pray and urge others to fight this. insyallah.

now my pahlawan blood is gushing like waterfall . haha such hyperbola
ps: look how we, the ibt peeps conquer the stall. sampai tlg bungkus makanan sbb service dia very slow.

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Monday, November 5, 2012

thank you and please help me just a little bit more

salam and happy monday blues. got my mood on and off. i was clueless of what day is today this morning. means that i havent been really close to Him lately. and i should change that. im swiftly drifted away as the exam getting nearer. aint good at all. gotta be close to Him once more. please. U are my everything

and last night thnk u dear friend . for the sudden visit. well if u wouldnt had come, ill be fast sleeping , but well at least i got some humanoid interaction apart from gossiping and intelectual talk. just chilling is cool with me. and out of the blue a thought came across me. how happy i am to be single. no dont get me wrong. even if im in a relation, theres no meaning and conclusion to it. since i still hold on to my ground. i notice liverpool game was on but couldnt care less to watch. friends time. did try not to swear, but dang it failed again. ayoyoyo bila la nk berubah

and tomorrow is eju mogi shiken. damn it. nihongo is like a sadback for me. how it pull me down. but just cant stop now, gotta push.myself till the end. lets go.

speaking of going, punctuality  is very important actually . which will u choose ? to wait for ur friend but had to be late ? or be on time but had to leave ur friends behind.? for me ill.... well im harsh. :)

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Saturday, November 3, 2012

a song dedicated to me

gosh when im down tetiba my friend cc this song to me. i aint a jonas brother lover, but my friend is. damn it. rasa .... mixed by just listening to the lyrics. ahahhehe . thnx dear friend. eskimo hug to u ! ;)

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Friday, November 2, 2012

friday a week more

this morning i was shocked by a birthday wish . how ironic. my first expression was what the heck ? like seriously. in what world are you living in . cuz all the bunkei japanese studs whether u want it or not, will remember my bday. its in the history of japan. and therefore public holiday :)! haha okay that was harsh. actually dia bukan my friend in ibt thats why. pastu my classmate tetiba cakap, dia tersilap date kot. from 11.02 to 02.11 LOL tp comel. siap siap berpantun lg  .

then then semalam a friend of mine line ckap dah beli.assasin creed 3. GILA !!! nak pinjam ! haha this is me , cuz game ps mahal jd tukar tukar game ngn kawan. then hari ni izuan ckap kakak dia dah beli what ?! ada hati pulak ckap. mmg saya pinjam la kan. x larat saya nk membei smua. but on second thought, assasin creed is a game that worth every penny. so, hurm

lagi seminggu, insyallah !

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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

see something different today ? bus ada 3 ! fullamak  . selalunya nak datang satu pun susah. nah. sebenarnya conpany nih jap elok jap x elok. okay je kot. biasa la. tp dia company kita . daripada kau bg duit kau kat org kafir. yes, betul theres no denial yg we should give to sape yg benar benar berhak. why org kita ni x jaga the privilage yg jpa bg. tu betul, tp saya rasa kalau nk buang buang la, just jgn kafir. since saya belajar the flow chart of money, i am concern as to where and whom my money go . people might just ignore this and take is lightly, tp its because people x sedar dan only choose the easiest way. sbb tu jugak la boleh need to kejatuhan ummah. sejarah dah buktikan , but are we gonna repeat it again ? tepuk dada tanya selera. we r actually the writer of our and pur childrens future do take.note.

and yea its 31th  ! so like always its baskin robin. (*゚∀゚)

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Monday, October 29, 2012


tau x saya lapar gila ! sampai tahap dewa karma ! fullamak. nak ckap x makan, i ate homemade spagetti yg my mom buat. thanx. tp nmpak x ? perut saya besar sangat tangki dia, even the senseis are making fun of me. haih hahaha.

then today i had a hard time trying to take abolution. no its nothing personal but just kids, playing water , cracking some jokes like theres no EJU in less than a week. hahah made my day tho, pastu nak g bli mknn kat konbini kena halang by sensei cuz its jishuu time. oh well. the workoholic  robotic japanese .

then then, my friend ajak g singapore. like wow ! sape x nak vacation after EJU kan . tp mmg saya lelaki bleh perg ngn u and ur family kan. haish. and u know me, i susag nak reject people's offer thats making it even harder. tp i x tanya my parents lagi la . the thing is he ajak to go with his mom n baby bro. saya takut tahap karma nak ckap ngn lelaki dah lepas nih ......... tolongggggggg

the actual main point is actually chelsea kalah. tu je. im very sad cuz dah la kalah with the team i hate the most, mu. tahap karma sedih.

so the topic of today is karma.
p/s: somehow i think now, i had found the jewel of being in ibt. thanx. 

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Sunday, October 28, 2012

saturday math

boleh imagine x raya haji.3rd day, extra math class diadakan . insane i tell you. ishk. tp, we r young like that so able to create something fun, like this and that. haha

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Friday, October 26, 2012

aidil adha

salam aidil adha
so many stories to share.
yet so little time.
theres still hope.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

someone. peers.

rainy week. cant believed what i just heard. ok no doubt since i choosed to enter mrsm, my circle of friends are  always corelated to one another. whether i want it or not. betul la apa pepatah tu, anak mara selamanya. fwuh. on the bright.side, nasib baik la saya kluar spc k. nerang tu. kalau x, itll be a never ending mrsm mates. tp dont get me wrong, the friends in kmkn are friends to be cherish for ur entire life.

so heres the thing, was chit chatting with zo, menganjing nganjing about his school, oh plain  kiddies talk. then bla bla bla he popped a question
"u kenal balqish tak?"
"errr....ada pernah dgr. jap.  ada berapa balqish kat sane?"
"only one. and dia mention nama kau waktu kotaorg lepak. last week. "

in my mind i had this persons face, but cant be sure i let him talk, to ensure i was right on the person.

"kau tak pernah jumpa dia secara reality ah, tp kau kenal..."
"dia kat mana belajar skrg?"

ping pong !!!!
lululolo so tepat la. its her. camna nnth boleh tahu kewujudan dia. kmkn la tuh if im not mistaken. but something for sure is shes my friends ex. im so excited. i appreciate those  who know me. im at the stage where i love all the people i met and enjoy meeting all of them. it has always been my dream to meet all my friends back, whether from.kindergarten nor i just befriend with yesterday. i wanna travel and meet all of them. solid reason ? i lost my childhood friend. i felt that im mean, im a person who didnt appreciate a relationship. so it wont happened again.

so dear balqish, if u read this, i really wanna meet u someday. i wanna have a chat, and get to know u more. cuz im friendly like that (ノ´∀`*)

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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

18 hari

tuesday yes. did very bad in bunpou. wtf. daily ill have that insyallah gradually will improve.

so today i ask Amir. if he has mixed blood or not. i mean seriously, muka dia muka mix. i.xnak la ckap muka.mix mana kan. hahahah  but not just me, farah pon think the same. owh. i was doing milo for razin when dia sound , " relax relax la chill. " sebab i buat , satu pantry tu gegar, very clumsy me. HAHA and ping pong !! theres my chance.sebab dia nih snyap cam haram. and i pulak.kecoh cam gila, to suddenly start asking tu  mmg weird  but got my chance. and dia cam, denying it again, but then stop and tried to rethink when konishi sensei interfered.  damn it. so in conclusion its a failure.  aiyoyo gotta try again next time.

and so luqman gave his explanation. man i wont say anything bout ur statement. u really is sensitive and can easily sense whats going on. oh well. hope u keep that to urself. i aint gonna disturb u no more.

ve been lying all my life.just dont know when itll stop , when the truth is gonna be reveal, when im gonna be brave enough to face reality.

p/s : was shocked to know my friend in aaj gila study. goodness. i sound like a slut in this post. all about guys. goodness. aint like that actually actually it eats ur soul tau when u help other people. no , i mean for me its satisfaction to help , really. but when u know the ugly truth of the story, the concealed story, it hurts. adoyai. now im trying to absorb positive aura only. negative ones u r please to poof from my life. im gonna stand on my feet, firmly. bismillah

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oh tidak.

cant believed youll be reading my blog . but oh well it was made public for a reason. for my ideas and feeling to be express and pointed out. as much as i hate my life theres a jewel for me to cherish and live on.

monday blues always has its story. a week ago it was red bull stratos felix jump. amazingly it was a success. i cant believed such attempt  could be achieved. and here i wanna thank the twitter and smart phone apps for bringing me that news. if i were to stuck like normal, i wouldnt get any outside news apart from ibt news. worst than asrama ill say. u gotta find knowledge on ur own. i mean really stand with ur own feet.

today its, im so sleepy news. nah . to male it short, thnx hubby sbb belanja makan malam isteri isteri mu. :333 gendang gendut tali kecapi,perut kenyang muka pon happy.  

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Sunday, October 21, 2012

dear Allah

yes, im a sicken forgetful unthankful little slave. but please dont give up on me yet as i didnt give up on u.

tolong jgn tarik nkmat ku sekarang. tolong limpahkan ku dgn rahmat Mu.

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Friday, October 19, 2012


i got so many things to write. so many things to share. but im just tired. im in a fatique condition. seriously. problem arise one by one. of dear Allah save me. [update] i will now cherish the people who cared for me. i will always be grateful. i will not be choosy no more. i will give respond and not just be a silent listener. " take care. walk safely. its dangerous out there" " take care of her. dont u do anything to her." " jalan hujan hujan nih bahaya. jaga diri" yes they care. till what extend. just those sweet wishes are just the surface. sedar atau tidak, non volunteer to accompany the girl. tho the danger awarness of girl walking with a guy alone in a big city is significant, all they could do is say. no action taken. that is life. human just talk.and talk.wait till a serious case happened then will they only repend their mistakes. but action wise, they arent there to help u nor really be there for you. how human is such a good hypocrite and liar. how human forgets easily their prophet teachings and put religious thought second not first. how sad has the world become. this is my thought. so its free to say. math class is schedule to have recess at 12 till 1. that is before zohor time. well, while you still got the power and freedom to speak , why dont you change it to 1-2 like usual. have recess like normal. yes the class starts late , but we can adjust. we are humans not robot. what shocked me was, we are still a Muslim still in Malaysia yet, why dont you defend to have prayer time first. why do you prefer not to offend humans feeling but not creator. why do u procrastinate to pray at 3:30. this isnt a situation where theres no other choice. if u are still living, u can.make a change. but, clearly this shows who Malaysians are. i dont know , perhaps this is too much emotional feeling being mixed up but, tak ke sedih kita lambat kan solat. para sahabat nabi dahulu kala berperang darah tegakkan agama agar dapat sampai sekrang. kita pulak amik ringan dan pentingkan belajar. keberkatan Allah itu amat penting. keberkatan cikgu juga penting. tapi mana satu pilihan anda? lets muhasabah for a better muslim and muslmah in the future. im just to tired and lazy to voice all my opinions out. i, i love myself more now. i wont sacrifice for others no more. ill put up my ego suits back, and love only myself. astaghfirullah alazim.

plain gedik

im.contagious. its true what the sensei said. whether its directly or indirectly, people just accidently follow i. hahaha ceywah. this morning i had a break down due to last night and this morning. so cant bear it anymore, naik bus trus jd air terjun. shocked. but its a relieved . then, start la semua org nak sedih sedih hari nih, nnth macam berkait setiap orang nangis. shocking but fact.
and pakcik cina ukur coat dtg. mmg kaya la kan pakcik cina penang tuh. conquer smua suot bebudak jpa. haprak kaya. pandai mulut di berbicara Masyallah. surprisingly saya amik.size S. unvelieble as it seems , saya rasa juat nice and no more gelebeh gelebeh . HAHA.

then solat hajat n yassin satu batch.
oh how i miss .....


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Thursday, October 11, 2012


please dont let go of me. hold me, guide me... be there for me when i need You.
nyahhhhh just fatigue and feel emotionless. happy thursday night people.
salam and good night

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Monday, October 8, 2012

morning sunshine

morning to all. and good evening to all.
today marks the day where i create a fashion disaster haha. wore all jeans based clothing . if i were in hollywood , damn sure ill get sued. haha.

this is my last week to determined what lies in the weeks ahead. im bored of writing sad and sadden story. its a relieved medication but cant really do much. i tend to seek for something concrete. do forgive me for being weak. its a hiatus to write one for now then.


nope thats not curse , but family & friends. i cant thnked enough, for whom i was companied by. family just cant stop to care for me, and i got friends who just keep buzzing and updating the latest gossip. haha. wished i could hug all of them. thats where my air hug fever started. ill only do that if i find the time spend is worth it. if not, ill just be so bitchy . oppsss.

1 more month till eju and im still acting like theres 1more year. goodness. this what happens when u know u got backup plan. but i dont intend to pursue the back up plan. i want this and only this

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Sunday, October 7, 2012


when stomach starts to grumble it cant stop

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Friday, October 5, 2012


im gonna write bout my surroundings.and how i cope with it somehow. guys and guys are devinely devided. then girls they have their own clicks. since young i never agree to such clicks. why is that so ? it will only  make others feel lefted out. that aint nice. and so there is a group of people who just plain hypocrites  . oh well.

p/s : thanx for coming dear friend. dont be sayur air no mo

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Wednesday, October 3, 2012


never ever felt this before . i know, life is hard. this is how it really feels to be in this state. but why is it happening to me. i aint that strong to endure  all this. it hurts mentally and psysically. totally , i wish i had drunk that bottle of lethal chem. i wish i had met doremon. i wish i just owned my very own time travel machine. i dont wanna know whats the result. my next two weeks result. ived been crying all night. cant you see. cant you feel it. i know you do. i know you always listen. what happened didnt make me to strive. but it let me down. its killing me inside bit by bits. i cant imagine whats the future holds . my eyes are just too fragile. it keeps on responding to my feelings. how i wish everything will stop. please . i beg u. please answer my calling with a positive feedback. i , i  just cant.smiles can hide the sadness, but the eyes just cant lie. this isn't the first time having this emotions. im near towards the edge now. im so close to ..... 
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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

pj half marathon

gosh my legs hurts. the aftermath is dreadful ! . i can.go on no.more.with this pace.

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Friday, September 28, 2012

friday freak.

its friday. i want this to end fast. pkease bring me to the future. bring me to the age of 28. that is if im still alive. dear Allah, its been so painful this few days. i can help it but to cry evrynight

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Thursday, September 27, 2012

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2 minggu


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Saturday, September 22, 2012

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Saturday, September 15, 2012


ikea ! im tired. when im in tensed, i shop ! thats bad.

its friday

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Tuesday, September 11, 2012


bye serol. see you again....

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Sunday, September 9, 2012

9th september

its 9th september

theres so many open houses lined up, and i choose which to go. this is painful. i hate to let people down, because i hate when people do the same to me. argh ! so i end up following my parents. damn its a long way. its tiring. but on the bright side im glad i followed them, why ? its the matter of family. recently so many of my relatives died. i felt that the urge to closer the family relationship is getting stronger. now i know, tok long had 8 childrens , all scattered all over, from free lance artist to university professor. thats why no matter which path you choose, choose according to ur passion and ability.

then we were off to some open houses. dang ! to get out of ampang took us bout 1 hour. how i hate ampang. always jammed pack. yg open house nih dah la geng golf bapak. luckily my dad isnt the type yg sanggup g main kat luar negara tu. i find it membazir wang. even if you are that rich, i believe do support the local economy.

then, i x gi my ibt frens punya open house. pastu my kmkn mate pulak i terlepas. (=.=") its near shah alam je, but oh my goodness, i just cant describe how sorry i am to you. malas nak explain why i couldnt attend, cuz if i were in ur place i woundnt bother to listen. a no is still a no. nothing cant change that. well, i dont know why but, not attending makes me wanna cry. did cry lol. dah bergizillion of times i always said no. i felt im the worst. please , i wish i was more independent. i wish i ..... a wish is still a wish without any effort. my sister always asked me to stop crying, she didnt want me to be sad, to be a loser. she said be stronger and dont cry. dont cry for others. love yourself. now the question is, am i that strong ?
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open house

im tired of open houses. perhaps i should choose which to go and not to go.

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Saturday, September 8, 2012


today is sports day. saya kena tahan by police car, sbb saya nmpak mcm bersih

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Friday, September 7, 2012

wah what a week.

setiap hari pulang ke rumahhh

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Sunday, September 2, 2012


open house gala

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Saturday, September 1, 2012


MER-DE-KA 55!!

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012


theres a death at the opposite house. i think i can now write a book on death. humans really didnt know how to appriciate the breathe we took, the luxury we had, the people around us. that includes me too. to cry upon ones death is nature , but to wail is emotion. just remember we have The Great to help us.

tho sad things happen , i didnt seek for symphathy. but im shock with such ego, people become ignorant. its such a show to see how far ego can bring us to.

ibt has taken most of mine. i lost my friends , i lost the time to myself, i turn to be stress easily, i become furious fast, but most importantly lost both of my grandmothers. tho, maybe its just grandmother, to me , family is everything, so it is a big deal . the question is, will this drive me to work vigilantly hard, or will i take the easiest road ?

only He knows the future. let the time witness my history of existance.

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Tuesday, August 28, 2012


wrath. thats me. i own it. i need anger managment. hormone problem, pms '? does it even matter. its not easy to keep calm and cool headed. especially when you are around selfish yet glutton community. things happen for a reason, yes , theres no denial, but how far can this continue. everything remains as it is. non is gonna bow down , and non is gonna win. take note please :) i dont wanna go to ibt no. this is finale. i dont care whats the future. i maybe short minded but seriously, ibt is just freaking FTW. yea right . non will fully get what i mean. i just lost the light to hold on too. non is gonna pull me up. non is gonna offer . thats the truth. thats the freaking truth bout reality. wait till i find the light once again, can only i write a positive post of my opinion. till then let the fate be the witness. let the wind sing its song, let the bird chirp , let the river flow swiftly, let me be who i really am once again . :')

p/s : i wish tomorrow never come.

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Friday, August 24, 2012


can i say i love yesterdy. yesterdy we were being youngsters. i love that. dont even wanna delete yesterday's memory. its shows taht 24 hours that Allah gives is enough to do loads of things. its just the matter of planning it right :) 

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

3rd day raya

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Monday, August 20, 2012

2nd raya

2nd day of raya. they see me as the married one. THATS MY SISTER u makcik pakcik. haha jst because my.sis iz wearing my clothing,.she looks.young. thank to me HAHA

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Friday, August 17, 2012


today iam a happy kid. my classmate lend me his game. assasin creed game. i know its an old game but hey what ever. ps3 game is uber expensive so its better to share then keep it , right ! whats shocking is its from that boy .

dia tu dah la freak.gamer. nak cakap ngn dia pun susah. pastu tetiba boleh bg i pinjam without even trading a game, makes me a happy girl today :)))))))

who knows people can change. now i need close with him and urge him to perform solah. insyallah ;).

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Thursday, August 16, 2012

,ramadhan 27

i wanna be can i? can we actually get out of our circle of friends ?! well hell no. the world is small. break fast at nandos. with takoyaki . yummm and little did i know, budak sekolah smua dah cuti. menakjubkan. ubt?! well habis till petang jumaat wokeyh. sangat la jepun . and yeah today is the date jepun surrender. tp no holiday as ussual goodness. my previous post is full.of.typo.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

can i say alhamdulillah. though what i owned niw isnt permenant nor valuble. but im grateful. today i experienced once again, the unfairness in life. please change. please dont judge its book by its cover.

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Monday, August 13, 2012

who knows the day u had the uttermost sadback in the morning, could bring you smile at the end of the day. that is my today. exams are like forever following me. it wont stop untill i stop it. that is scoring straight into bullseye. this week is currently the week where us students flying off. i gotta admit that country was where i am aming for. but i believe He knows best. seeing my friend gotta fly and enroll into the top notch uni makes me envy. in school i used to be above them. i was the one they look up to, and now its the opposite. that is life. thats what they say as justice. He always gives every what they deserve.

and today the result for a level is out. congratulate to those that achieved oustandingly well till meet up its requirement. frankly speaking, who arent jealous . japan study ia freaking hard. i had never experienced myself undo such stress before. in contrast, thanx to my friends who did their course, triggered me to do the same. each of us takes different road, but the goal is the same , right ?

so dont stop just yet. theres still time. just believe in yourself once more.

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Sunday, August 12, 2012

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Saturday, August 11, 2012

luv today

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Wednesday, August 8, 2012


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Monday, August 6, 2012

things isnt like what it seems to be. after all this while, you thought u have  everything, you thought you own it, but it flew away. sometimes those that you find rubbish ,unwanted, and misserable are actually usefull in the end. and vice versa , those you love , dear, and cherish now, might turn back on you. so act wise.

sape yang salah akan lari, sapa yg betul akan berdiri.

i wanna FLY not FLUNCK.

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Sunday, August 5, 2012

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love song

yesterday i had a.break down. meltdown. all the downs.  theres no up. so today i had the aftermath. its hard for me to rebound back after im down. i just have to search for the inspiration . the light. the road to succeed. but yea , that is also hard.

today my friend said he look up and was reading my blog. im surprised . why would u waste time reading this. then a suggestion given. i should make a vlog. aire will !!! wait till i own my very own laptop. yes i own no personal laptop. wiout it i cant edit the videos. but ease all people. i got tons of videos yet to be release. :)

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Saturday, August 4, 2012

oh alone. i hate to be alone.

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Friday, August 3, 2012

i was pranked big time. damn it. but its funny. totally. then this morn , gossiped with rose, goodness rindunya...... i miss everyone. i miss my friends . its not that i didnt appriciate those in ibt, but i see them 24/7 u do get what i mean. dont you.

as time flies , theres only 3 months left for me to struggle. im scared of the future. someone please help me . please make it come true . i can only pray n hope for u my dearest ALLAH.

within this 3 months i gotta work like hell. but im not like that. usually people whos from the science stream is smart and did well rather than the arts the other words science is harder than arts.  sadly im reversed . i as i shift from science to art stream, my brain seens to have its moment of hiatus. it just wont work. im worst in the art stream . i love science but, cant persue there. why , now comes the hardest part. im starting to write university essay. OH NO.!

p/s go olympic malaysia. tapi.kalau free baskin robin, meletup la peti ais ku. kat berkotak dulu pun x makan lagi.  haiyay

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Saturday, July 28, 2012

satirday wastd

saturday waste. i am a walking zombie

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Friday, July 27, 2012



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Wednesday, July 25, 2012


i got so many mo till teacher didnt even wanna look at my face. sadless. waterfall

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Sunday, July 22, 2012


i wish i can dream of Him in my sleep. especially bulan Ramadhan ni. Ya Rabbi

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Friday, July 20, 2012

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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

love letter

received this. didnt make my mood went that well.

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ate sushi . thnx sis . sorry friend .

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Monday, July 16, 2012


hahaha this morning i felt like not going to school . obviously . ibt oh ibt. dengan bus datang lambatnya . tapi nasib baik dia cover dgn pasang lagu best gila ! ! ! plus ada video clip pulak. wahh ! sampai sampai condo geng diorg datang. well im always happy kalau dapat jumpa kawan selain budak yg selalu jumpa. ingat ke just dinner but eventually lama pulak. esok exam pulak. aiyay. whatever is im happy and i can proceed to the following day. i should thank my most Glory Allah for leeting me live and prosper me with great family and friends and also not forgetting foes. thank u korang (^_^)v

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Sunday, July 15, 2012

this is herstory

cant believe since child I had been a happy and easily excite kid. Just see the pic. Somehow now I'm being very open lately . who cares bout putting the pic on web. I find it as 知る権利. Sooner or later people will eventually know.

 Jadi saya mai habaq awai awai kat semua orang. Tu dia !

last Friday during English lesson, we read bout this article. It's about relation between  ur characteristic and position of child birth. And its true. I as the youngest believes that I dont need anyone else if I got my family . Selfish much yea ! But frankly speaking family is where I turn to in the end. So I cherish them so much. Thank u Allah

Saturday, July 14, 2012

tomorrow is bon odori in excite! but im scared. my surrounding had changed. thought i could run from reality but its impossible. 

ok back To main topic. Today is Friday 13 ! Yea so what . I don't believe ib those superstition cuz im a Muslim. :) tapi ADA satu bends nih la berlaku .

Saya sedang menunggu bas rapid. Lepas tu nampak okumiya sensei yang dalam perjalan pulang dari mana entah. Saya sangat la teruja Dan jerit tegur dia haha. Dia cakap dia dari bazaar malam kat belakang mana entah yang saya pun tak tahu *sigh. Lepas tu sembang sembang ejek ejek. cakap barang dia beli Mahal la bla bla bla. Macam biasa. Dan Bila Habis dia blah. 

and I continued waiting for the bus. Then few minute later, he わざわざ(purposely ) shouted my name 

アキラ !今晩私はあなたに会ったのはわたしの13日金曜日 !!

*my name* !!! Tonight I met you is my Friday 13 !

I was like hey whats that suppose to mean. And laugh frantically untill I woke up my housemate in level 6. Walla ! Talk about loudness !

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


why why why. please stop contacting me. cant bear to act nothing. im just out of time. i got only 3 months left.

Sunday, July 8, 2012


dear today, salam. i droveeeee weeeeee. send my parents to airport and then when to katang's house. how great ! seriously cool. cuz from there she took over and pickup yana and off to shah alam. borong kat so call bazaar... and pusing pusing shah alam. hahahhaha with the help of waze of course. thanx for the dayout. but yesterday was fun thooo. both i act as the manuever and giving directions :) both are fun in its own way. yesterday i manage to.stop my friend from smooking, today i bought a cigarrete . ironic !

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thnk u for today u all.and sorry to.some . peace sunway mid shah alam.

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Monday, July 2, 2012

Dear Italy. Why

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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Oh Jlpt.

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Saturday, June 30, 2012


alhamdulillah. im proud of myself travel alone for 16 hours alone. met so many kinds of people. but best of the the glory days of islam. sadly i also get to experienced the downfall of it. how touched i was. i cried on my way home. and now the schedule of japanese student restarted. theres no ending to these. meow

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Sunday, June 17, 2012


ok. eju was bloody hell hard. mcm baik xyah belajar. gila susah n im not kidding. i speak the truth. aint like any other peeps yg ckp.susah tp score. wth. yg bestnya jumpa kawan lama. tu je. dan dpt jumpa kawan baru.bahagia nya saya. tp td nmpak la beza budak ibt dan aaj. during lunch . budak aaj siap siap ada nasi bungkus berlauk. ibt ? hanya roti dr 7e. sadis. so tonight im going to fly sorang sorang. pray ill reach safe and sound with all the transit bagai. aminnnn

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Saturday, June 16, 2012


today is a pencil day  ! yeah right. to me je la kan. story morry later...

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guess that im turning into a real japanese. when people ask are you okay. ill say im alright. where actually i wish they could ask again. by then im ready to say the truth. this is the fact bout me and japanese people who always hesitate themselves. man im turning myself to be a japanese indirectly.this is not good.

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Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Thursday, June 7, 2012


and here comes kohai. in the midst of the busy week. busy month. please. did eju past years question and my goodness freaking hard !

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Sunday, June 3, 2012


i miss you sj friends. i cant never not remember you all. although we graduated from different high school, i believe our ukhwah will never end. i love u girls bunch !!! and no not 5 years, but less than that will meet again :))
ill always choose girls over guys. ill come back to my modest life. no longer him. its her now :) love ? monkey love it is. sory to say i agree 100% of what the queen in snow white and the huntsmans movie. they are just the same

Friday, June 1, 2012

sorry to me

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